Half the World Away - страница 34

Tom was excited at first. Almost manic. Fatherhood seemed to equate with any other life experience – he paid the subscription, was engaged, almost obsessed at first, then lost interest as it became repetitive, boring, relentless, so he let his membership lapse. He loves Lori, but he has hurt her, too. Let-downs and cock-ups. I was probably more upset than she was, all those times he was late or missing and she waited with her bag packed. I tried my best not to project. But who knows?

Tom falls asleep. I give up on rest and scroll through the films. Penny has recommended Philomena. I love Judi Dench and start watching before it really sinks in that it’s about a mother searching for her child. Just as I am. The performances and the flashes of humour keep me watching, but it makes me cry (there is no happy reunion for Philomena), which doesn’t help with the dehydration. The next time the cabin crew come with water, I ask for two, motioning to Tom who sleeps on, his face shrouded by his hair, long legs angled sideways.

We are flying into the light, meeting the dawn, but it’s a night flight so the steward asks us to lower the window blinds and use our personal reading lights. Perhaps it’s a sign of hope, that endless sunrise. We will land and someone from the consulate will tell us Lori is safe and well, just a little sheepish for all the bother she has caused, that she had a ‘bare awesome’ time in Nepal or Hong Kong.

I must’ve slept because I’m startled awake by a misstep in my dream. Lori’s in it and we’re Skyping but I can’t get the focus right and I try to adjust the screen, pressing buttons on the side. Then she says she has to join the stag do. And she shows me her T-shirt but I can’t read the writing. It seems important but I can’t understand a single letter of it, and then I’m awake with the endless rushing roar of the air-conditioning, like a thundering weir. My mouth is tacky, my stomach bloated.

We meet the lurch and pitch of turbulence. I feel the bucking of the aircraft, the kick and shift of the whole cabin, the way the panels shudder, as the wind buffets us time and again. I hold fast to the armrests and try to breathe slowly until things calm down.

Then we are closer. Across the aisle, someone raises the blind to blazing sunlight and I see the wrinkle of mountain peaks covered with snow.

We begin our descent.

As we’re coming in to land, I peer out. It’s as though everything has been smothered in grey, dusty gauze.

Through Immigration and Baggage Reclaim, we exit and find the car that has been booked to take us to the hotel. The air is warm and humid. People throng the pavements, pulling luggage, talking loudly. Tom lights a cigarette as the driver heaves our cases into the boot, signalling to us to get in. Tom holds up his fag and the driver nods. Tom sits in front and the driver lights his own cigarette. In the back I open the window. There are no seatbelts. Policemen are monitoring the taxi rank, chivvying the drivers, shouting and waving to passengers in the queue to use both lines of cars. There is an air of urgency about it, as though it is imperative to disperse people as quickly as possible.

We speed through miles of high-rise developments along the expressway into town. Trees – palms, ginkgo and feathery ailanthus – line the roadsides. Taxis, coloured bright green, swerve in and out of the lanes, around scooters and bicycles and large SUVs in black or white. I taste dust, brassy, in my mouth. Everything looks strange, foreign.

It’s a relief to reach the hotel lobby. The air-conditioning is on. The foyer is spacious, with glinting marble floors and red leather couches and huge Chinese porcelain vases, elaborately decorated. The walls are lined with gold brocade wallpaper.

We are greeted in English by the Chinese receptionist. Behind the desk a wall fresco in 3-D shows tiled pagoda roofs and stands of bamboo. At each end of the desk there are plinths with bonsai trees arranged among miniature landscapes made of pinnacles of limestone rock.